la douleur exquise

The literal English translation: the exquisite pain. This is also translated as having and unattainable love or being with someone but really loving someone else but for this post, I'll explore what this phrase means literally. La douleur exquise episode of Sex and the City. Carrie was distraught, wondering why she continued to put herself in the position for Mr. Big to hurt her again. She thought maybe she just liked it, maybe she enjoyed it.

I thought about this phrase this morning. I had gone to dinner with a friend and she was telling me about a lil rendezvous with a guy she'd been on and off with. Their situation is what I would consider less-than ideal and kind of shady, it continues. While my situations are somewhat different, I thought about myself and how I've tended to go back to guys who have done me no good. I wonder what it is was that made me keep going back for more. And I know I'm not the only person guilty of this. We complain when we're dealing with it, we complain when we're not.

I think about those into bondage and fetish; people that get off on the pain and then I think about a phrase my sister and I use damn near every other day: the worse you treat em, the more they love you.

When you're mean, show little interest, or act like you don't really care for example, that person you're involved with is all up in yours and can't get enough of it! When the guy you're feeling is blowing you off, being very nonchalant about you, and not showing much interest you're wracking your brain and going all crazy. You may not realize it but it's true, you feel some kinda way! Prime example: my boyfriend and I who's relationship has been a back and forth of us treating each other like crap. When I look back on the things I've done I'm just like why did he stick around? Though I'm thankful he did, I wonder how he handled it. Was he getting off on the abuse? Did he really like it deep down somewhere?

My question is when does the game stop? When does pain stop becoming "pleasurable" and the pleasurable things really become pleasure?

Our betrothed waitress at Hooters tonight said she misses being single because she misses the "game". The whack *ss game of trying to figure another person out and how they feel about you because they just can't cut the bullsh*t and say what's real to you. That's one game I don't think I'll ever miss.