When there's nobody for you to celebrate...

So I don't know why now, after more than 10 years of being in this situation, the upcoming Father's Day holiday is really getting me down.

This will not be the first Father's Day where my father isn't with me so that I can celebrate him. Because of the fact that there's not a day that goes by that I don't think of him, Father's Day should not be an exception. It should be okay for me to cry or mourn him on that day but I've noticed that I never really do. Its the other few days of there year where he is heavy on my mind, sometimes to the point where I shut down a little.

But for some reason, this year I'm dreading Father's Day. I see these commercials for all the great stuff you should buy for your dad, the best way to say you love, etc. and just start feeling some kinda way. I prayed to God today that my boyfriend doesn't call me next Sunday so I'll have to wish him a Happy Father's Day cause I really don't want to (that's another side issue that I'll save for another post!).

What do people who lack a father (for whatever reason) do to get through a holiday like Father's Day? I don't think any of my previous tactics are going to get me through this year...