So what are you going to do?

I've been posting a lot about my life lately. That's not what this blog is supposed to be all about but I've just had a lot to talk about regarding my life.

Now that I've established I will graduating this December (if I pass this crazy Patterns in Math class), I hear the question of what I'm going to do with myself after almost everyday. My only response has been a shrug of my shoulders and then for at least the next 2 hours I'm tossing the same question around in my head, weighing my options, and really trying to figure it out.

I've been looking forward to moving back home after crying about how much I miss Cincy for the last 5.5 years. However, when I really think about it, I'm not sure I could stand being there for more than a few weeks.

I'm tossing around the idea of moving to NYC with my sister. When I was younger New York was going to be home just as soon as I could get away. That dream faded slightly but the idea is tapping on my shoulder, asking for another chance. I don't know if I could shack up with my sis (she would make me crazy! Skinny but crazy!) but it could also be just what I need.

As a substitute for going home I've also been considering Chicago. I love the Midwest. I miss the Midwest. If I can't be in Cincy, Chicago sounds like the next best place. It's Midwestern, something tells me it wouldn't be too hard to find a job there, I would be much closer to home than I am now, I have family there, I really like Chicago (even though I've only actually been there twice and never really to see the city)...the list goes on.

Sometimes my mind gets really adventurous and I consider just moving somewhere far like Los Angeles or Houston (I looove Houston). I think about just applying for jobs anywhere and taking the best one I get offered, regardless of the location. There are factors like my family, maybe The Boo a little (although we're on the rocks and I don't know if I can give up my dreams for some man that's not giving up anything for me), and the money factor that shut that down for me.

Finally there's just staying here in DC. So many Howard folks do it. The job market for PR and event planning is good, there are lot of opportunities, it's close to everything (NYC, Philly, etc.). I have such a love-hate relationship (currently HATE) with the DMV but I really just don't see this as the place for me.






I look at all my friends who have graduated and are trying and working hard to make it and start their lives. I don't even know where to begin. After high school my plan was already set without questions or doubt but now I just don't know where I am going! These next couple of months should very interesting....

The thing in DC I HATE!

It's been on my mind to post about this for a while but the other night sent me over the edge. I was dealing with two European men who were trying to convice me that two cars could fit in a space for one. I mean I thought driving in New York was bad but my few driving experiences there don't even compare to my DC experience


I was headed to Macy's at Metro Center (downtown DC) for a fashion show event that was apart of the Congression Black Caucus Conference weekend. Traffic was HORRIBLE (as usual in DC)! Of course I'm going to stay people in the DMV (DC, MD, VA) area can't drive. Here are a few instances of the ignorance I encounter:

• People using the highway onramp as a lane. I've never seen this until I got here. I have seen people swerve over onto the onramp just to pass a few cars. Is that even legal?
• People who don't know where they're going so they drive extra slow or just stop in the middle of the street with 10 cars behind them. Why don't you pull over and get yourself together? I know DC streets can be semi-confusing and GPS systems have a hard time keeping up but there ARE others behind you that know where they are going so why don't you move over? I almost hit somebody this morning who couldn't figure out if they wanted to turn or not.
• New York Avenue. One of the busiest streets in the city and the street where people like to get foolish with their driving. Swerving in and out of lanes, driving 10 miles below the speed limit, and those annoying red light and speeding camera.
• Parking enforcement. I like them as much as I like cabs and taxis (see below). These people seem to get pleasure from giving tickets. I've heard stories of "officers" smiling, telling themselves they're gonna get people. They act like they get some kind of commission off the tickets the write and they give you a ticket for almost anything...they are just plain thirsty!
• Speaking of...DC parking meters. They never work! I hate when I lose a quarter to a broken meter. I also do not like those pay to park machines. They never can take your credit card and they don't take cash so it really defeats the purpose!
• DC cops driving with those lights on. I don't get it...
• People driving with their brights on. So many people do this, especially people in trucks. Maybe they do it so they can blind folks in smaller cars and rule the road or something. It's so rude!
• CABS AND TAXIS!!!!! Can't freakin stand them! They do all of the above. Make random u-turns in the middle of traffic, and drive extremely slow or wreckless. What's even worse is they are racist and ridiculous. They won't take anywhere they don't wanna go. They hold up traffic trying to ask potential fares where they are going before they let them in. There were nights I would get into Chinatown from NYC and I would need a cab ride to my dorm. I would have to beg and barter with the drivers to take me to Howard.

Anybody that's been in the car with me will say it's just road rage. But this stuff bothers me. Can't wait to get back to Ohio where people drive semi-normally, hehe....

Oh That's Not Jennifer!

I'm just not understanding. This also happened while I was heading to the Macy's event for the CBC Convention. Now I know that during the CBC Convention weekend, there are a lot of people out, the chances of seeing some fine-ass good-looking men just hitting the streets headed to a party or event are high, and there are all kinds of black people from all over the country in town.

Because of the traffic situation, I was forced to park like 5 blocks away from the event and trek up to the department store. As I'm briskly walking, flip-flops on and heels in hand I hear a woman coming towards me but I'm not really thinking much of it. It's not until she's right in my face yelling "Jennifer! Jennifer!" that I even notice her.

I look at her and she goes (with slight disappointment) "Oh you're not Jennifer....how you doing, baby?"

I politely smile, say hi, and chalk it up to too many drinks or they're just crazy. But a few steps later I realized just who this Jennifer is....

Two years ago for my birthday we went to dinner at Union Station. I was looking cute, hair curly (yes kind of like how she wore hers when she had the long weave) cute outfit, and everything. We were walking through this huge train station to the resturaunt when a man pushing a mail cart stops suddenly, grabs my wrist and says, "Oh my God Jennifer Hudson! Can I have your autograph?"

I laughed it off but the man was dead-*ss serious! And he looked so hurt that it wasn't me!

Am I missing something?

(Me)

                                                        (J. Hud)

These are just a couple of instances, I have plenty more stories of mistaken identity. Personally I don't see it. People tell me I should be flattered because she's pretty and I think she is. But I don't think I look like her! And I will admit it kind of stings when I see the disappointed look on people's faces when they realize it's not her....maybe it's time to go back to short hair.

Song of the Day: Boys II Men "Water Runs Dry"

I'm sitting at work doing a mmailing like a good little intern. I'm listening to Pandora (although I would love to be listening to Kid Cudi if only I could get my hands on a copy) and thinking about The Boo who I haven't talked to in about a week which is when he left! This should be an indication of my current mood as well. So I'm enjoying Pandora and a Boys II Men song I loved back in like 1997 came on.

Now in '97 I loved the song for their smooth voices. But the volume level and my mature age had me listening to the words. This B2M classic is saying some real stuff and it really had me thinking. I've got so much on my mind between issues with The Boo (and our serious lack of communications) and school (there will be a vent post very soon about this I'm sure!). Check it out...



Side note: I can't wait to get out of the office and hit happy hour with my girl!

Mmmmm.....Fall!

Even though it's practically baking and rainy here in Washington I have been hit with excitement for Fall!

I'm beyond ready to break out my jackets, sweaters, Uggs, sip on something warm, curl up under the covers, and experience Fall in DC. For me that's Congressional Black Caucus Convention (although I won't be working this year), Howard Homecoming (which I will be missing this year as well!), Halloween in Adam's Morgan, hitting up new movies and free events, a weekend or 2 in NYC...and so much more!

More things I'm looking forward to:

Real caramel apples and shower gel that smells like it so much so that you almost want to taste it.

Cute fall boots like these HighKoo boots by Ugg (can you believe it). This amber brown color is hot!

Long, comfy sweaters.

Chai Lattes and really good coffee...

Rain please go away and weather please cool off! I'm ready for Fall!

A Dedication...

I recieved a frantic 1:30 a.m. call Friday from my sister. I was knocked out but I of course answered because she didn't usually call me so late.

She informed me that she had been in a movie that night and when she got out her phone was bombarded with calls, voicemails, and texts. She told me that our cousin had died in Brooklyn that night.

Ajile Turner was only 38. It was until today that I got the full story of what happened that night in Brooklyn but I was told that he had been in a motorcycle accident.

I was shocked. We got off the phone abruptly because she was going to call a cab to take her from Harlem over to his apartment because she could not reach anyone.

I certainly couldn't go back to sleep. My mind went back to the last time I was in Brooklyn which was this summer. He was around in I believe Prospect Park (there are two big parks over there, one had a big concert going on and the other was just a major hangout spot) and we were over at Habana enjoying burritos and corn. There were guys on bikes everywhere but unfortunately I didn't get to see him.

The last time I saw Ajile was at Habana Cafe (my first time there) just after he purchased the bike that would eventually kill him. It was a big secret, he warned me not to tell my mother because he wasn't ready for his to know. It was the first time I'd seen him since maybe high school. I hardly remember him going back to Cincinnati for anything and he was constantly travelling to Hawaii to surf (something he loved) or somewhere in the winter to snowboard (his new love).

That last time I saw him I saw him smiling, surrounded by so many people who were also touched by him. It seemed as though everybody there knew him. I remember Malik Yoba was there and when I stepped outside the gate my cousin was there chatting with him and he wasted no time introducing me, his little cousin, to Malik and everybody else standing around. Mos Def came through as well and made sure he gave a nod to Ajlie as well. I looked at him that day and I thought he was just so cool. Yeah he was the cousin of rapper Common, but all that seemed trivial to me. Rashid is like a cousin to me as well, not some big shot rapper. Ajile knew real celebs, lol.

Even though I didn't see Ajile much, I don't remember a time in my life that I didn't know him. I should add that we are not cousins by blood or marriage but simply by the fact that our mothers were once great friends, his mother was almost a mother to me. For my sister, he was a best friend. A relative in New York whom she could always call on and who she would always be there for.

This post is for Ajile who I believe was taken too soon. My thoughts and prayers are with the rest of his family and all of his friends who are mourning the loss of an amazing person.

He Almost Let the Black Slip Out

I wasn't planning on writing about the whole Joe Wilson "You Lie!" thing but I can't avoid it. Just look at Mr. O around the 1:24 mark...



The minute Wilson made that disrespectful statement you could see it flash right through him. He almost let the black slip out. Pelosi's reaction was pretty funny too.


I have to add first that NOBODY yelled out at Bush when he sat there and lied to EVERYONE about there being weapons of mass destruction in Iraq. During Clinton's hearings for the Lewinsky thing, nobody screamed at him, calling him a liar. What Joe Wilson did was disrespectful, wrong, racist, and stupid and I truly hope he will have to pay for what he did. I'm putting a call into my aunt who actually works for Pelosi on The Hill and I'm gonna tell her to tell Nancy to handle that fool....


So in the days after the incident I've read all sorts of things, heard all kinds of discussions, and thought a lot about it. I said it before in my post about President O's educational address: these folks have absolutely NO respect for Obama and I think Jimmy Carter summed it up best:

"I think an overwhelming portion of the intensely demonstrated animosity toward President Barack Obama is based on the fact that he is a black man."

Of course today everyone is jumping on Carter, even The White House, in saying it's untrue that these things are coming from racism. Kudos to Carter for standing up there and spitting the truth, especially considering that he is a southerner and some are saying this disrespect and treatment towards Obama is stemming from racist southerners (like Joe Wilson who comes from the state that left The Union first to protect slavery!). But whether people are ready or not, racial issues in America are coming to a head and it's becoming clear nobody wants to deal with it.

Neither does Obama it seems, especially not after the situation with Henry Louis Gates. But I have to wonder what he's really thinking, especially after watching that flash of "blackness" go through him when Wilson made the outburst.

Even more, I wonder what he says to Michelle and what she says to him at night, when it's just the two of them and no kids, advisors, or anybody else around. I would think Michelle keeps it's 100 with her man. Here's what I imagine....

Barry: Man these fools are getting me down.

Michelle: C'mon on boo, they're just mad cause they can't handle seeing a black man doin the thing! I can't believe the nerve of that redneck Joe Wilson.

Barry: I almost cussed him out, baby! For one sec I almost jumped off that podium and broke that fool.

Okay it's probably nothing like that but I can imagine, right?

Donda Aint Raise No Fool...Even though it seemed like it on the VMAs

I missed Kanye on Jay Leno's show premire last night but I've been hearing about this all day.

Leno asked the question that I think a lot of people asked and wondered....how would Kanye's mom feel about what he did?

As a Kanye fan I know that the man has passion; he has strong feelings and he doesn't hesitate to go on his emotions which is all part of why he is so good at what he does. But he knows his momma wouldn't approve of what he did to Taylor Swift. Just seeing him tear up and hearing his last line about trying to figure out how to "get through the rest of this life" it's very clear the influence his mother had on him and may be he is just lost without her.

Check the video...
Tough Times - 'The Jay Leno Show' Video | AOL Television

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Can't We All Just Get Along?

DISCLAIMER: My boyfriend is NOT a douche like Spencer and I'm nothing like Heidi but I just might understand how Heidi felt on The Hills....

When I first started "dating" in high school I remember hearing people say that your friend's and family's thoughts/impressions/opinions told you whether or not you really should be dating that person (or something along those lines). Basically, if your peoples don't approve, they probably see something you don't, and you should probably kick them to the curb.

I will be honest I have only had 2 boyfriends in my entire life. In high school I tended to just "talk" to a lot of guys but never anything serious outisde of my relationship with The Boo. I met my first boyfriend through a friend and I think that situation spoiled me. We were all close, we all hung out together, my boyfriend was friends with my friends and vice-versa. Yes, when we broke up I was kinda kicked out the clique for a while but when things got better we were all friends again and that's when I got together with my current.

Looking back on it now, I realized that almost nobody in my life really approved of my relationship with him and I let that affect our relationship. I broke up with him, treated him bad, etc. because I thought I needed to keep on searching for something better, something that my friends and family approved of.

When I got older I decided to trash that whole concept of my folks approving of the person I was dating because I found that I never met anyone or dealt with anyone that they actually approved of. I also stopped searching for the approval of others in my life but I have to say it's very hard to be in a relationship with a person that nobody wants to see you with.

I find myself doubting it, wondering if I am making the wrong choice, wondering how things will play out in the end because we are throwing around the capital M-word. I compartmentalize my life, never mixing The Boo with anything or anybody else. I'm incapable of talking to my friends about the relationship and now, I'm incapable of talking to him about my friends because they all seem to dislike each other for many different reasons.

I'm not looking for everyone to be best friends, I'm just looking for a comfortable situation with mutual respect. People on both sides claim to love me yet they can't respect my choice in friends or boyfriend.

I must add that there are 1, possibly 2 people in my life that are the exception to this.

So now I'm back to debating the same question I dealt with when I was 17. If your peoples don't approve does that mean it's really no good?

I hope Debbie was taking notes

Just finished watching the VMAs and I hope BET and its whack CEO were taking notes on how an awards show is supposed to be and how to properly give a tribute to the greatest entertainer that ever lived.

This years VMAs started off with a wonderful speech from Madonna on her personal relationship with the King of Pop which I thought was very touching and also reminded us in a not too harsh way what the media scrutiny did to him. I thought it was fitting that an icon like Madonna introduced the tribute for a fellow icon.

The dance tribute was HOT! It wasn't all depressing like BETs tribute. JANET FREAKIN KILLED IT! It takes a strong woman to get up and perform like she did after only burying her brother like a week before. She looked great, her dancing was great, and MTV did an excellent job paying tribute.

Sadly, thanks to Kanye, people will be talking about his rude interruption of Taylor Swift's acceptance. While I don't think she should have won, Kanye had NO right jumping up there like that. It wasn't even HIS video that lost! And the poor lil girl looked so sad/lost when he gave the mic back. The moment sure did have my Facebook page jumping with status updates which is always fun. 

Gotta give Bey props for letting Taylor Swift get her shine on though. I read a status that said she's got an amazing PR team and I totally have to agree; they steered her in the right direction

Other than those moments, I thought the performances were so so. Beyonce did her thing and I LOVED Jay-Z's performance with Alicia Keys...but umm who asked Lil' Mama to get on stage? Ugh I can't stand him her.  

And I can't leave out Lady Gaga. I'm sure most folks asked themselves what she was wearing/doing everytime they showed her. But her performance was good, deep, and the girl can sing so I can't hate. But that bird's nest. thorny thingy she was rocking at the end of the night really threw me. 

I LOVE IT!

I only got it about a half an hour ago but I LOVE Jay-Z's new album The Blueprint 3. 

I love it like I loved The Blueprint which I will admit was the first Jay-Z album I ever bought and the album that turned me into a real Jay-Z fan. From the first track I was feeling it. Now that I have listened to it all the way through and it's a winner!

So far this is one of my faves, "Already Home" which features Kid Cudi...

My memory of that fateful day

On September 11, 2001 I was sitting in the library of St. Ursula Academy, my second bell was coming to an end (we were on block schedules what you know bout that?). Our principle Frances Romweber came over the PA. Now you could almost always tell what kind of message we were about to get by the tone of her voice and the greet she began with.

"Ursula women listen up," she said.

She told us a plane had struck the first tower of the World Trade Center in NYC. It was about then I noted the librarian had her television on a few people were standing around it. I looked at the faces of my classmates, jaws were dropped, even my teacher was stopped. Everyone frantically went to CNN.com or their preferred news site and the image of the tower in flames popped on every screen.


I remember we only had about a 5 minute window between the announcement and the bell ringing so I had to tear myself away for 3rd bell. My teacher started class with a few tears and a prayer (I went to Catholic school so this was okay). By lunch, students were piled in the foryer of the school watching news converage and a few saw the second plane crash into the South tower . Some were crying, some were praying, the air was just thick with emotions.

And then I was hit with the realization that my sister lives in NYC. The tears came I just broke down. People that know me know I'm like obsessed with my sis I talk about her all the time. My Spanish teacher Mr. Fletcher walked over and said two words "your sister..."

That's all I really remember because I was a wreck the entire rest of the day worrying about her. Mind you she hardly ever goes down there except to hit up Century 21 an amazing discount store.

When I got home that night I discovered my sis was up for a temp job in the WTC that very day....she overslept and never made it. I praised and thanked God for his goodness and mercy that she never got up. But writing this blog made me think about all those who got up on time, went to work, and never made it home. I'm saying an extra prayer for them and their families tonight.

Song of the Day: Black Eyed Peas "Alive"

I've never really been into the Black Eyed Peas. Sure some of their songs are catchy and of course they usually can make you dance. But I've never listened to anything past what they play in the club/on the radio.

My friend conviced me to download their CD and I actually took the time to listen to it (well I popped it in on an 8-hour drive home and the dance/techno-like beats kept me awake). One song I really liked was "Alive". It's catchy and although it's a bit of a break-up song, it's also a get-back-together song plus it's fun!

Shut up already!

Now that the Obama speech is over and he has once again b*tch-slapped these fools that were crying out against him, people are going to pretend that racism and other issues didn't just pop up AGAIN here in America.

I totally agree with today's post on SMB. I don't know about anybody else but I remember having to edure watching Bush and his evil spawn son GW speak to me in elementary and high school. I also remember in social studies class or whatever class that was where we had to write letters to Clinton. Point is, the President is to be respected regardless because he's the President (duh!).

How could parents decide they don't want him to speak to their children? How could mostly ignorant fools conservatives think he would attempt to impose liberal and partisan ideas on the nation's kids? He was speaking to them all and honestly when I was 5, 12, even 15 I barely gave a damn about any of that, as long as taxes were low, I had healthcare, etc.

I think it's waaay past time for people to accept that Barack Obama is their President, YES he is a BLACK man, he said he was gonna do things and shake things up, and unfortunately for them more people wanted those shake ups and changes than you. So get over it already!

Check out the speech below:

Take Me Home

Every so often in the middle of BET's The Game marathon a Tide commercial comes on that I love. It's a father and his son who has just gotten out of a bath. The father as wrapped his son in a crisp white towel and you can see they are having a nice father/son moment together...peep the commercial:

Not only do I love it because it shows a positive, black father/son relationship, but I actually listened to the words of the woman singing "take me home...".

I couldn't help but think of my own personal "crisp white towel" that bring me warmth and comfort. And, crazy as it may sound, that place is Cincinnati....The Nasty Nati, Porkopolis, etc.

Cincinnati is my home, my safety blanket, my safe haven if you will. Just the thought of home evokes a sense of comfort. No matter how broke, sick, or hurt I am, the minute I see Kings Island on I-71 when I'm driving in I feel 10 times better. It's where my family is and most of my friends and that is where my real comfort zone is. These are a few of my favorite things:

• A Skyline Chili 3-way, 
• Walking around Eden Park or sitting on the benches looking over at Kentucky with The Boo or friends
  
• Riding bikes with my father
  
• A hefty scoop of Graeter's mocha chip ice cream or UDF Cookies and Cream
  
• Shopping at Kroger's at 2 a.m. or whenever the spirit moves me
  
• sitting on my Grandma Geneva's porch on Blair Ave. in the summers
• cruising in my old Ford Escort with my girls around Avondale
• Hitting the Avondale drive-thru just for a pop
• Hearing people refer to Coke, Sprite, etc. as pop
• Family dinners at my Grandma Katie's house and always wondering who would stroll in next
• The Taste of Cincinnati
• The Black Family Reunions (the way they used to be when folks were fighting every 5 secs)
  
• Bengals games (though I haven't been to one since before high school)

I could go on forever. But here are some pics instead...

Weekend Update: How the Broke Do It

Considering my current financial and living situation I was forced endure another boring weekend in the house. I manage to score a few dollars on Friday (thanks to my lovely sister D) and I enjoyed the feeling of having some money in my account for about a day until that feeling was stolen from me (thanks to Wachovia, the worst bank in America...oh and Washington Sports Club for ruining it too!). I did manage to make a trip to Target for some food basics and I did manage to put a little gas in the Jetta before my financial world came crashing down again.

I promised my aunt I would take my younger cousin to Old Navy to get some clothes since she literally came to college with enough clothes to last her about a week and a half (well I mean good clothes=not sweats). My cousin in 19, deaf, and beginning her freshman year at Gallaudet University. I will admit my family has done her kind of wrong. None of us learned sign language or even learned to communicate with her which in turn left her feeling as though she is not a part of the family. In fact, I'll admit she and I had our first "real" conversation a few years ago through text messages and AOL Instant Messenger. I can't leave out the fact that she has been treated like an adopted child by her own mother and well tapped for those amazing disability checks the government throws at the deaf. 


When she moved to D.C. my family made it clear they wanted me to teach her how to dress. She's a basketballer and mostly a baggy sweats and big t-shirts kind of girl. She's also ballin on a budget so we hit up Old Navy to get her a few things. She made it clear she needed no help from me and she even picked a couple cute outfits for herself (she did decide to trash the cutest one she put together). Because I still have yet to learn sign language, we typed Blackberry messages to each other and things went rather smoothly. 
Dropping her off at her dorm afterwards, I watched her sign and laugh with her other deaf friends. I think I'm gonna have to ask her for some lessons...

The rest of the weekend I spent in the house with The Boo. We watched the BET marathon of the "The Game". I even popped in "Dreamgirls" last night and we shared some laughs. It was honestly the most fun we've had together in a while. 
This morning I got a call from my mother and sister D. I had called my mother on Sunday feeling a little distraught about my financial situation and she made it clear she "couldn't deal with crisis" at the time. So she decided to deal with it this morning by jumping on my case about getting yet another job (I'm currently working two and if I ever get financial aid that will be 3). She said several times I needed to go get a job at the White House (because you can totally just walk up to the front door and put in an application for any job you desire) and that I needed to "get off my butt and do something."
I ended up hanging up on them. 


Totally not looking forward to a week of waking up at 6:00 every morning and fighting Howard for my financial aid. Sometimes I just wish I could drop out.

Trey Songz' Ready

 

Trey didn't disappoint me this time (I hated his last album, sorry). But this newest release, Ready, is HOTT! I can listen to basically every song and his voice sounds amazing. You can tell this a man that can really sing! And he's looking pretty sexy on the album cover, thank God he cut off the braids! Below is the song I've been tapping the repeat button on this week: "I Invented Sex" which also features Drake...

The importance of family

Family is something that means something different to everyone and every family. It's a personal thing. Each person has their own idea on what role family has, what family is supposed to be or do, and really how important family is to them.

General these ideas are the same within families. You develop these notions because you were raised on them and you adopt them, they become apart of you. Occasionally, there are those that say "umm no" and they develop their own, new ideas or notions of family.

Now personally, I say family is the backbone. The people you will get down for no matter what and you know will get down for you (you have to admit even in extreme cases such as addictions, financial factors, etc.). The word unconditional love comes to mind. Family is the reason you have life and at the end of the day, your family is still your family. You have the same blood running through your veins, you are linked together in ways that really cannot be fully understood.

As I previously stated there are always those that don't seem to catch that same outlook in a family unit that predominantly feels the same way. It's a hard thing dealing with a family member that to me has no sense of family.

I have one such family member who has of late decided to show their true colors. At this point in my life I am dealing with some difficult situations and I will honestly say am my lowest. It's times such as these that you are to call on your family which for the most part has come through but this family member has made it clear they can't be called on. I struggle with this because I know that my father, would have moved mountains for her and practically did when he was alive and had the capabilities. Her father, the kindest man anyone had ever met (I heard this from everyone when I was child), would probably be disappointed in her actions.

I am not upset with her, I'm honestly not harboring any anger (even though I've devoted an entire blog post to the situation) I'm simply disappointed. As with most things I have learned from this. I have learned that if and when I have the means to help my family members I will do what I can for them. When my brother goes off to college I will break my neck to make sure that he is taken care of and when my future neices and nephews go to college or simply need something from me I will help them any way that I can. I promise myself that I will not let this rub off on me. I will continue to keep my ideals of family and it's purpose and importance.

Ok that's my rant for the day :-)...C

Song of the Day: Kanye West "All Falls Down"

This is one of my favorite Kanye songs. It comes from his first album The College Dropout which was back in the days when he was talking about things.

In the second verse he talks about being self-conscious and trying to stunt when you really don't have the means to do it.

I think stunting can mean more than just in reference to material things like buying that new Louis Vuitton or putting 22s on your truck. Sometimes we stunt with our feelings. We pretend we're something we're not on the emotional side and when it hits that it's not really you you're pretending to be or you get in over your head it all falls down on you. I think he poses a good question in the chorus...



When it falls down who you gon' call now?